An ordinary blog by an ordinary bloke

Temel and Dursun are (semi!) fictional characters, originated in the Black sea region of Turkey known for their humour, wit and craziness (this last attribute is sometimes replaced by naivity) all at the same time; therefore many jokes have been told about them which fit their characteristics. For more info on Turkish sense of humour, click here.

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Here’s just a few of them; they’re much better in Turkish as there is a lot in these jokes which is lost in translation. Hope you enjoy them anyway!

Joke 1:

Dursun has made a lot of money in the USA and tells his beloved friend Temel to join him in LA. He tells him there are so many opportunities for him to earn his living here, going even further to say he’d be rich even if he picks up the money people throw/drop on the streets. So Temel jumps on the first plane and travels to the US; and with his first step he sees a $10 note on the floor. But he decides not to take it, saying: “I’m not going to start working on the first day!“.

Joke 2:

Temel owes a lot of money to the local shops. One day he wins the lottery and the locals wait for him to pay back what he owes – and maybe more. However three months down the line, Temel still hasn’t paid anything so the shopkeepers come down to ask why that is the case. Temel tells them: “I didn’t want you guys to think money’s changed me!“

Joke 3:

Temel asks a cafe owner: “Do you have cold tea?” and he gets the reply “No“, so he leaves. He keeps asking the same question for the next three days so the cafe owner thinks I’ll make him cold tea the next day. Temel comes in and asks the same question, but this time the cafe owner says “yes”. Then Temel says: “well that’s great, heat it up and bring me some tea. I’ve missed drinking tea a lot!“

Joke 4:

Temel enters a multi-choice matriculation exam. He flips a coin for each question and picks the choices accordingly. An hour into the exam – when all the students have given in their papers and he’s the only one left in the room, the invigilator sees that he’s still flipping coins; and tells him there isn’t much time left and asks him whether he is about to finish. Temel answers: “I’ve finished half an hour ago, just going through my answers!”

Joke 5:

Temel and Dursun love playing football. One day when they were contemplating about the afterlife, Temel asks Dursun: “Do you think there is football in Heaven?” and Dursun answers “I don’t know but whoever goes there first, will let the other know OK?“. So they agree and a few years down the line Dursun dies and appears in Temel’s dream: “Temel, I’ve got one good and one bad news for you“. Temel asks for the good one first and Dursun answers: “There is football in Heaven!“

“What about the bad one?“

“Your name is on the team sheet this week!“

Joke 6:

When they’re young, Temel and Dursun try stealing a few apples from a tree in a garden nearby. While they’re at it, the owner sees them and they start to run. The owner shouts “stop you BASTARD!”; and Dursun stops and tells Temel “he recognised me, you keep running brother!”

Joke 7:

Temel and Dursun are stopped by a tourist in Istanbul. He asks: “Hi, do you speak English?“. Temel and Dursun look at each other, not understanding what he meant. The tourist also asks: “Parlez vous Francais?” and said the same thing in many other languages. The tourist then leaves not getting an answer.

Dursun turns to Temel and says: “I think it is time we learn a foreign language“.

Temel: “What’s the point? Look he knew 5 languages but still couldn’t explain what he wanted“.

Joke 8:

Temel appears in court as he has just killed a dozen or so people at a marketplace due to his truck’s brakes failing. The judge asks: “Explain why you did this?“.

Temel: “I am very sorry; it was not intentional. My brakes failed and I had no other choice but to hit somewhere to stop my truck. I noticed that if I swerved to the right I would kill a child. If I swerved to the left, I would enter the marketplace and potentially kill dozens. So I decided to kill the child.”

Judge: “How did you then kill all these people?!“

Temel: “Unfortunately the kid ran towards the marketplace“

Joke 9:

Temel and Dursun go to watch a movie, which has a horse racing scene. Just as the race is about to start, Temel bets Dursun that the white horse will win – and Dursun agrees to bet on the black horse. The white horse won, so Temel also won the bet. However, after the movie Temel feels uneasy and confesses:

I watched this movie before and knew which horse was going to win.

Dursun replies: I watched the movie too.

But I wanted to bet on the underdog this time!

Joke 10:

Temel is on Who Wants to be a Millionaire. He passes the first set of ‘easy’ questions…

£4000 question: How long did the ‘Hundred Years’ War’ last?

a) 99 years b) 116 years c) 150 years d) 100 years

He asks the audience and passes on to the next question

£8000 question: Where did the ‘Panama hat’ originate?

a) Panama b) Brazil c) Chile d) Ecuador

He phones a friend and passes on to the next question

£16000 question: When do the Russians celebrate the ‘October Revolution’?

a) October b) September c) November d) January

He uses the ‘fifty-fifty option’ and passes on to the next question

£32000 question: What animal were the ‘Canary Islands’ named after?

a) Canaries b) Seals c) Cats d) Kangaroos

Temel decides to take the money…

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Funny eh? Thought you were more clever than Temel? Think again!

Answers: 1) 116 years, 2) Ecuador, 3) November, 4) Seals